I am and have always been a person who bottles up my emotions…
I have always had an issue with my anger. Getting angry over the stupidest of things was somewhat of a daily routine for me. But instead of actually becoming angry and lashing out (which i used to do) I learnt how to control my anger. I just started taking it in. Bottling it up safely in a corner of brain. This is just one emotion. This is the same thing i do for every negative emotion there is. If you look around, I’m not the only one (or so I want to believe). There are millions of people who just don’t want to express their emotions.
Through experience I can tell you it is a really stupid thing to do. We all think of us ourselves as invincible at some point of our lives. The feeling crops up that no matter what the world throws at you, you’d be able to take it in, imbibe it and become a better person.
That no doubt is one of the most optimistic thoughts you can have and also the stupidest.
What is going to happen is that you’ll be overwhelmed by the emotion gnawing continually into your mind. It will keep you occupied and make you feel miserable. It will make your life seem irrelevant.
That is unless you’re a psychopath.
The moment you bottle something up, one of two things can happen:
- Your decision will haunt you until you make amends in any way possible
- You will keep it down and it will grow into an ugly cancerous stream of thought that will most probably take over your personality
So what do you do to become as psychopathic as possible without actually turning into a completely behaviourally inept human being?
The answer is simple: Release.
You must find a way to release all those pent up emotions within you. You must find a way to take all that negativity and convert into positivity.
As i was saying earlier, I started controlling my anger by bottling it up. It seemed like a good idea but believe me it was not. Yes,I could stay calm and keep taking shit from people without lashing out but then I felt myself becoming more agressive. Not anger but agression. It was basically the anger just poisoning me, turning me into someone else because it was never meant to be bottled up. And one day some poor soul would be there when the bottled up rage would finally cross the threshold (not a pretty sight). All of the pent up anger would be spent at the same time. I used to feel so relieved at that point but then i look over to the person who was at the receiving end. Cutting to the chase I lost a lot of friends in this manner. I sat down one day and mulling over this issue and realised that this is not the right way to address my emotional stress. But I also didn’t want to show my emotions to the world (Big surprise: I’m an introvert!).
I realised that the problem was that the anger that I was bottling up had no exit. It just kept piling on and on and on until it reaches the threshold and just wreaks havoc. So, instead of just putting my anger aside I thought I should release it in some way.
There are many ways to release.
For my anger, I listen to music. My writing is also an emotional release.
Release can be different for everybody. It is a very personal decision how you release because you are unique yourself and nobody knows you better than yourself. You must find out what can help channel out all your pent up emotions in a positive way (in a way that doesn’t harm you).
A word of caution: Alcohol and Drugs are definitely not the release you are looking for. In fact, they only aggravate the underlying cause.
Believe me, once you start to channel these emotions out of you, you’d feel so much better. It’s like a huge burden off your chest.
Also, you’ll probably go back to being a happily deluded pseudo-psychopath again.